Sunday, August 26, 2007

I'm Starting with the Woman in the Mirror

Have you ever looked in the mirror to look at your soul? Not that your soul is a tangible thing. I guess I will define the soul I am talking about as the things that make you who you are, your beliefs, attitudes, thoughts, flaws, essence. That soul.

Sadly, some of us claim to not have a soul. I think they are missing out.

I know I am an self-reflective person. Always have been. I was that girl at slumber parties who would go off to a room by myself, sit in the dark, discovering or look to discover who I was/am. Or it could be 12 pre-teen girls all in the same room, got on my nerves, even then. But I like to think it was more the first than the latter, but prolly a combo.

At 26 I know who I am. At 16 I had a pretty strong case. I am the type of girl-woman who is who she is and makes no excuses for it. What you see is what you get. I don't pussy foot around stuff, I don't hold back and if something is on my mind or bothering me I think I tell you "what's up."

And this is an uncharacterstic trait for a Minnesota woman. Maybe it's because I grew up agnostic. Maybe it's because I have a small family. Maybe it's from iron range roots and having alcohlics and mental illness strains in my family. Who's to say? Not all of it is nature, there is nurture invovled, but I have always liked myself and now I really like who I am.

This isn't a self-rightous rant. There are a lot of other cuspX/Y people like myself who have come into their own. It's just sometimes I look in the mirror and I see the superfacial. Round face, eyes, hair, nice smile, small cheekbones, etc. But there is other times and I see these labels that society and ourselved put on each other.

26. Female. Life-long Minnesotan. Traveler. Lover. Daughter. Sister. Sarcastic. PR professional. Marketing Maven. Witty. Closed-off. Funny. Confident. Stubborn. Opinionated. Sports Fan. Music lover. Piano player. Cheese lover. Irish. Agnostic. Independent. Blunt. Easy going. Crass. Compotent. Not artistic. Friend. Foster parent.

So that's what I saw this morning. All of those things that make up who I am and there is a laundry list of others. But those things are my soul. Not the happy, good-natured, honest, bullshit that we think we want in ourselves. Those are other parts, but to me, the experiences are the things I like in other people maybe I bit more than charactersitics. Or maybe I'm just curious how other people would define me? Not because I care of their opinion, never have and never will, but when you self-reflect are you thinking of your "true self" or this other "better self?" And I guess I want to know if the "true self" is one's perception or if it's others?

This is what happens when I'm happy in all aspects of my life, I have to question shit. WTF?

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