What happens when you have more opposite friends than same sex friends? You have what I call the friendly man dates. Female and Male don't think of it as a date, they just think of it as drinking beer, talking smack and catching a sporting event. But everyone else on the PLANET will assume that you are either a) on a date b) currently dating c) marriend and can' wait to have babies.
Yes all of these things occurred to me on a glorious Sunday Twins game. WTF?
I went with my guy pal JW. We've been friends for a few years. Thrown together by a mutual friend we both have in common. Mutual friend moved out of state, to below the Mason Dixon line, and now me and JW hang out frequently. So he had free tickets, called me up and we go.
Now we don't hold hands or have any other body language that would suggest we would be dating. We also have never been friends with benefits or anything of the sorts. But we have pretty decent friend banter. Not different from any other male in my life. I like to think I was a born conversationalist -- but that doesn't get you anywhere in this world. Except to become a smart ass with a wicked tongue lashing.
So we walking from LTR and a baby boomer couple, who obviously wanted us to overhear them, says "aren't they a cute couple. betcha it's their first date."
My head spins like Linda Blair's in the Exorcist to catch a glimpse of couple, secretly wishing they are having the awkward first date, so that me and JW can mock them. Turns out the baby boomers were talking about us. Just the more reason I don't want to bust my butt to pay for their new condo is Boco Raton.
JW and I exchange perplexed eyebrows to each other. Shrug it off and continue to Gate G. While standing in line, this OBNOXIOUS teenage couple are playing a game. How long do you think the other female-male people in line have been dating? Never taking into consideration friendships or asexuality. C'mon kiddies. I think I overhear 13 months. Random. I've known JW longer than 13 months, but again, WTF.
So now after all of this dating talk, I'm convinced we are going to be on the Kiss Cam during the date. And since I've never thought of JW like that in any sort of way, we both exit for the concessions during the KissCam part of the evening. Only to have a drunk (I hope) woman gush "you two will have the cutest babies. oh your parents should be proud."
I am not kidding. This all happened. Luckily the game sucked so we could bolt right after McDonald struck out. Say goodbye and go our separate ways. I told JW it was because he was will me and that WTF moments happen to me all the time. He agreed and also said that's why he likes hanging out. Because if the WTF moments don't occur, someone will inevitably ask me for directions. It's true. And I have an Army of witnesses for the latter.
So where does this leave me? Good question. I think I'll save it for Ben Tracy on WCCO.