Saturday, June 16, 2007

I Just Called, To Say, I Think You're Not My Father

so i ripped off a stevie wonder song with the title. but at least it's a sappy-crappy wonder song. gosh his music is awful in the 80s. but maybe it's the M.O. of the 80s all things must be awful, except the babies being born. since i am a baby of the 80s.

my birth and tomorrow inevitably make me think of my sperm donor father. yes my parents were briefly married but for most of my life i saw David, sperm donor, once a year on X-Mas. that's reasonable if he's working for National Geographic in Africa or his a doctor or lives on either U.S. coast. but no, he lived approximately six miles away from me growing up.

his father, my grandfather was more like a dad to me. he passed away five years ago. it's been five years since i spoke/saw david. and there have been points were i felt maybe i could send him a write-off letter. but i opted against it. because the weird/sad/strange think is i don't know him to have any sort of feelings towards him. it's all plain flavor, except there really isn't any flavor. i know he comes from this big irish-catholic family. i know he likes louie lamoure books and than he's pretty laid back and unmotivated. but i had a dream that i called him on father's day. so maybe i will tomorrow. to use the stevie line again, "i just called, to say, i don't know you." who are you? but that's the thing, i don't think i want to know him. i just don't care for any sort of relationships in my life to be ambiguous. so i'm going to suck it up and call him tomorrow and wish him happy david's day. because biological he might be my father, but he is not my dad, nor will he ever be.

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