Tuesday, July 10, 2007

"You Can't Catch Him, You Can Only Contain Him"

Good-bye Dan Patrick. ESPN employee, anchor and all-round good guy. Made "the big show" with Keith Olberman and started taglines and phrases before it became the thing to do. I will miss his Dan Patrick back page of The Magazine and will miss the occasional times that I hear him on KFAN.

I've been without cable the last five years. But I can tell you my high school diet of television was saturated with Dan Patrick, Keith Olberman and Craig Kilbourne along with My So Called Life and prolly an Ally McBeal sidedish.

Wow, ESPN without Dan Patrick. I wonder if he has been my favorite anchor. Prolly. My least favorite is Linda Cohn and she's still there. I'd start a campaign against her, but that would be like kicking of Leslie V. of Monday Night Football and replacing her with Melissa Starks. That move is worse than Linda the female monarch anchor.

What else? So literally after I published yesterday's post on Social Commentators, I got a position where I get to be one! It's blogging for a site and paid per blog, but how hilarious is that! And a minute after that happy celebration, a job I sent in the mail and would arrive today, I found out from sources it's prolly gonna be filled by an internal candidate. Huh? The post went up last Friday. And yesterday I sent my stuff and you're telling me someone has already got it. LAME. LAME. LAME.

Yeah, but I get to be a social commentator. It kinds makes me feel like Carrie Bradshaw only without the manolo blahniks. Although for the sake of keeping it real, I'm a cross between Miranda and Charlotte. Weird combo, I know, but I'm weird and proud of it, damn it.

The negotiations with the social commentary are photos. They want to have me as a face on their blog. I object to this for several very important reasons.

1. Have you seen the Cyndy Burcato billboards? I don't my face to be the size of my duplex. Good God, how could I cover up all of my pores?

2. Sticking with those billboards, if anything I am a producer or a reporter, not the face of anything and I can do more than just look pretty, hit my sports and read cue-cards, so I don't want to be the "anchor" of a blog or the face of anything.

3. Now if there was a jacket sleeve, I'd proudly put my mug on that, but this is a website. When possible I keep tight control of where my face is on the internet. Words, not so much, but face definitely.

4. I'll get paid a standard fee. But if I drive traffic to site, more money for me. Good for me, yes? But it ruins my anonymity for blogs and the other blogs I can contribute to. Maybe I'll take pictures of my body and cut them off at the neck. Although ironically, my face is prolly my best feature, but it's worth it to remain anonymous.

5. I'm going to be writing under a moniker -- I hope -- so I know feel more than a person, I feel like a brand. Kinda like J-Lo, except, well I have nothing in common with J-Lo, except the whole self-branding thing.

So has things get going, I'll keep everyone posted. I can't believe I got a gig as a social commentator. I don't think I'll ever run out of ideas. Shit, I prolly just cursed myself with that comment. But if both Sox teams can win the World Series after their curses, I think I'm golden.

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